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[Gravity]

Chocolate bars,
running far -
Nestle,
and the Czar.

"Coffee beans
and vanilla dreams,"
said Czar
"For chocolate bars."

"Pumpkin pies,
diet's demise!"
cried Nestleans,
"For coffee beans."

Chocolate pots,
addict's lot -
broken,
like Iscariot.

[Keira]

Um, I didn't get this one at all, but I've been half-asleep for the better part of the day (which was not helped by watching a 2-1/2 hour movie). The second and third stanza didn't have terrific rythmn, but overall, it was pretty good.

[Gravity]

It's about things that remind me of chocolate, something I can't really eat as of late. I would like to have more conversation between the Nestleans and the Czar, though.

[Keira]

I'm just going to say this, and please don't take it as being supremely annoyed at you (which I'm not) but please - stop - moping - about - you - blood - sugar! It's tiresome to hear of what you can't eat. 'Case you didn't realize, I come from a family of blood sugar problems, so I ain't exactly living the high life of sugar myself (though I seriously don't think that the fifty Starbursts I had last night helped anything).

[Gravity]

Hmm? I'm not moping about it. But also, there isn't any chocolate in the house and if there was I'd be writing this poem anyway and there would probably be chocolate stains on it.

It's particularly frustrating when you have no hot chocolate in the house when you really want some. And there's been no ice cream! What kind of household is this? We've been shopping about a gazillion times. Now why haven't we had ice cream in the house for a month, hmm? HMMM?

Excuse me.

[Keira]

I love hot chocolate. I used to have it at least once a day until my dad pointed out how much sugar there was in it. Now I only drink it about once a week, if that.

[Gravity]

That's probably a good idea. Mommy got ice cream last night, and the entire family sat around and had bannana sundaes.

[Lykaios]

I think you could develope this and put some more imagery into it, and really make it mouthwatering . . .
Yum yum, I love chocolate.
You could try putting something about how it melts, feels, smells, tastes . . . You know so people can really imagine it.