Degrassi: The 3rd Generation

[Cam Michalchuk]

c a m e r o n ' s Dorm

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[Cam Michalchuk]

Cam was happy that he'd got a single dorm, because of this fact he was allowed to do his dirty deeds any time he wanted. Which actually wasn't a good thing, if you knew the things that he was doing. Right now he was sitting on the floor of his dorm next to his table. There was a mirror, a razor blade, a few lines and a roll of a few dollar bills. This had been Cam's escape from the world lately, hell it'd been his escape from the world since he'd left Malibu. Cam scratched the back of his neck as he picked up his roll of bills and took in a breath. Each time he took in a line he could feel his life sort of spiraling out of control.

Cam looked down at the lines that were on the mirror; this was his second go today. He'd done it earlier when he woke up because he knew he had no classes today. Then he'd passed out in his bed and slept through lunch and woke up at about 7 this evening. Now it was 10 and he'd gone through an entire box of captain crunch plus a few burgers from the caf. He was happy that his meal plan allowed him to get as much food as he wanted, and now he was sitting on the floor his TV blaring along with the music from the next dorm over. Not to mention the seemingly loud screaming of his neighbors to the left who liked to fight about everything from the color of their socks to why the hell the guy couldn't wash his damn fork! It was times like these that Cameron was happy to be alone in his little dorm. Well, sort of alone. He had all he needed.

Cameron let out a sigh as he looked down at his lines which were neat. He wished every second of every day that he'd never gone to that party so many years ago. But there was nothing he could change about that and even though he wished that he didn't go he couldn't break this addiction. He couldn't ever do it, he knew that after his first rehab stint. Pushing all thoughts from his mind Cameron snorted in the first line. Damn. He felt all of the thoughts slowly melt away as his world seemed to be back in order for the first time since this morning.

[Cacie Cameron]

Cacie hadn't slept since Cameron left. She ended up not going to school that day because of it. Her father thought she was sick but Ellie knew it wasn't that. Ellie could tell that Cacie wasn't sleeping and was having a bad day. For that reason alone Ellie didn't give her a hard time for not going to school or group that day. And for that reason alone, Ellie loaned Cacie her car to go to Cameron's dorm. She didn't like the fact that her daughter had run away to be with some guy but after hearing what she'd been through, didn't hold it against her.

Cacie walked down the familiar halls to Cameron's dorm. She'd been there twice before and had the pathway memorized. She walked to his door, hearing the sounds of his neighbors fighting and then unlocked the door. She wasn't prepared for what she saw when she opened up the door. Cameron Michalchuk on the floor snorting coke. Her eyes grew wide with a mix of emotions. Disappointment (in both herself and Cam) and longing (for such a great escape) were the two biggest ones.

She quietly closed the door and sat down next to Cameron, not making a noise. She looked over at him, her amber eyes very confused. She was still trying to decipher the whirlwind of emotions in her mind at that moment. There was more than disappointment and longing, and somewhere in there, standing alone was guilt. She knew it was her fault and that alone made her want to go back home and use everything in that box under her bed. No Cacie, you are throwing that box away. You think of it too much.

"I'm sorry Cam. For yesterday I mean." No hello, no what the hell are you doing. Just the apology she needed so badly to give.

[Cam Michalchuk]

Cameron heard his door creak open, and the only thing that he could think was shit. It could be anyone; his fathers who would probably kill him before he could get back to rehab, Janine who would probably scream so loud it'd kill the high, or Cacie who had sort of started this whole mess again. Cam sighed and looked at Cacie when she sat down next to him. His blue eyes weren't blue anymore, they were gray and cloudy. They were often this way when Cameron was high, or sad. Right now it was almost a mixture of both.

"You shouldn't be sorry, I'm the one who left." Cam sort of had a point but he was still pissed that she would ever text Christian, OK so he was still assuming, when he was in the room. She should know more than anyone that he hated Christian more than he hated his stupid addiction. He honestly wanted Christian to die and he didn't even really believe in hate for Godsake!

Cam didn't know what to say to the fact that Cacie was the one apologizing. He didn't know what to say about anything, he could only imagine what she might tell someone about this little spectacle. So he'd have to start putting a chair in front of the door, or doing this in the bathroom. Somewhere where he couldn't get caught. In fact Cam wasn't really focusing on Cacie right now, he was focusing on how he was going to do this without getting caught anymore.

Yeah the bathrooms a good choice, can't get a key for that room.. Cam trailed off in thought and stayed in space for a few seconds.

[Cacie Cameron]

She noticed the difference in colors in his eyes and wondered if this was pointless, this whole thing. Her coming to apologize would best be done sober. She actually hadn't touched a drop all day, because her mother stayed home with her (to make sure she didn't do anything destructive) but also because she needed to be clearheaded to think of what to say to Cameron. "I shouldn't have been playing with my phone. I shouldn't have been pretending to text him and I definitely should've been born with smaller thumbs." A joke wouldn't help the situation but it was Cacie. She only knew sarcasm and jokes. Sincerity was a foreign language to her.

She looked over at her best friend, the guy who seemed so distant at this moment. She sighed and then leaned backwards against his bed. She really had nothing to say about the decision he was making. He never judged her for her own destructive decisions. And while she knew it was ultimately her fault that he was doing this again, she couldn't stop him. She couldn't stop him from taking a line anymore than he could stop her from taking a razor to her skin. She bit her bottom lip and thought for a second.

"Even though leaving was a buzzkill. Which I'm sure me being here isn't helping your buzz." She stood up to leave, hoping like hell for some reason that he wouldn't let her walk away. She hoped that even in his inebriated state he wouldn't let her leave the room. Wouldn't let her leave again. They always let me leave though. Cam's no different half the time.

[Cam Michalchuk]

Cameron was still looking off into space when he felt the atmosphere of the room change. He blinked three times, for good measure, and saw that Cacie wasn't sitting down anymore. His arms, which were strangely long, reached out for Cacie and he grabbed her by the wrist. He didn't want her to go, sure it was a wee bit of a buzzkill to not be alone but.. whatever.

"Don't go, Cacie," Cameron's voice was pleading, he really didn't want her to go. He knew that what he felt for people was nice and open when he was high and he was almost afraid to let Cacie stay but that wasn't in his mind. He didn't even think that he might let things that would scare Cacie slip, but he figured if she was tempted enough it wouldn't matter. She'd done coke with him once before and if she did it again he could say whatever and she might not remember.

But he wouldn't tell her that, because... because it might come off wrong.

[Cacie Cameron]

She felt Cameron's skin touch hers and turned to face him. Then his pleading voice asked her to stay and she did. She just sat back down and looked at her best friend. Her screwed up best friend, the one guy that she trusted with every fiber of her being. She trusted him enough to be completely drunk around her. She trusted him enough to dance with the White Lady with him. She looked down at the white powder on the mirror and then up at Cameron. She bit her bottom lip and then looked back down at the drugs. "Would you mind?" She knew it was wrong but sober wasn't helping anything for her.

She didn't like to be sober she'd decided. Clear headed was the wrong state of mind for Cacie Cameron. She needed something to make her escape, something to dry up the well of emotions in her body. She was messed up over Cameron leaving the previous day, and messed up over the text message from Christian, saying that he missed her. She looked back over at Cameron and smiled her cute smile, the smile that was actually reserved for Cameron. A secret smile between two best friends that all the others never got. Even Janine and Serena didn't get that smile. Of course, J and Sere I haven't slept with. That could be it...

She crossed her legs into Indian style and waited for Cameron's response. Waited for him to tell her if she could once again partake. After all, cocaine was okay for a casual fling.

[Cam Michalchuk]

Cameron felt relief when Cacie sat down. He wasn't alone anymore and that was nice. If Cam would've been sober he would've freaked out at Cacie, he would've told her not to make the same mistake that he'd done. But he wasn't sober. And he didn't tell her not to make the same mistake, instead he merely shrugged. He wished horribly that he could manage to do some totally dramatic gesture and make his best friend stray from the path less taken, a path he'd taken and wished he hadn't every day.

"Help yourself, I guess." Cam sighed and leaned back against his bed looking up at the ceiling. He wondered what they would talk about, or even if what had happened last time would happen again. He shook his head at the thought and went back to the talking part of that thought. He figured they'd talk about what was really on their minds. He thought it was a shame that it took him being high to talk about what he really wanted to talk about, but he knew that if he and Cacie were sober when they said what they might be saying that she'd probably be afraid or something. And he couldn't blame her.

[Cacie Cameron]

She looked at Cameron and when he gave the okay snorted herself a line. It felt weird in her nose but she didn't mind it that bad. It was an escape and she always was wanting an escape. A temporary one until she could make her permanant escape. Hop aboard a big jet plane and just fly away from Toronto and never look back. Its what she wanted more than anything, to start completely anew, bringing maybe one person and her memories (unless she could find away to get rid of them) with her.

She scooted over closer to Cameron after she took her line. She laid her head on Cameron's shoulder and waited for the happy to start. Luckily, it didn't take too long for the high to kick in. It was the good thing about snorting. It came almost directly into the blood stream. Things were starting to get a little fuzzy for her, in a good way. She looked over at Cameron, well up at Cameron and gave him a smile.

"Sooooo how was your day?" She wondered if she was talking fast, or funny. Her tongue felt different in her mouth.

[Cam Michalchuk]

Cam shook his head at Cacie's speech; she was a lightweight compared to him and could barely handle the small amount of the drug she'd had. Cam was like that years ago when the stuff was new. But now it took much more than just one line to make him talk like that; but he didn't want to do that. He was nearly sober again but he still had enough high in him to be able to watch Cacie like this.

"It was... fine, how was yours?" He raised a brow at her wondering how it had been honestly. He'd luckily had no classes and slept in. Not that he'd tell her anything about the drugs he'd done that day, or any other day for that matter.

[Cacie Cameron]

She heard his question and thought for a second. "My day was crappy. I didn't go to school because I didn't sleep last night and Mom and Dad didn't want me 'overexerting' myself." She rolled her eyes. "Then, my cousin Becky, the bitchy one that I hate, decided to move into my room and I'm going to kill her Cameron." She crossed her arms and gave a slightly pouty expression. She hated her cousin Becky and had since the two of them were children. Everyone always revered the girl, like she was some sort of fallen goddess. And they treated Cacie like, well less than a goddess but still good. But Cacie liked equality (and attention) and didn't like that Becky was so 'perfect'.

She looked over at Cameron. "So what should we talk about or do or whatever?" She knew from her first ever high she'd only be up there for fifteen to thirty minutes, but she still wanted to have fun in that time. And now her body was really starting to feel it. Such a lightweight.

[Cam Michalchuk]

Cameron listened to Cacie talked with such intensity it gave him a headache. This happened often when he was hanging out with Cacie, because he tried to concentrate so hard on what she was saying. He brought his fingers to his temples and rubbed a few small circles before the throbbing was gone. He let out a sigh and shrugged when Cacie talked about what they were gonna talk about. Their conversations were always meaningful but lately Cam had been feeling a little, weird, and he needed to talk about it with Cacie.

"Do you ever fear getting old?" He looked at Cacie his eyes were slowly turning back to blue. He really wanted to know Cacie's thoughts on the matter; he feared getting old every day. He didn't want to imagine what he may look like in twenty years, hell he was afraid of what his life would be like in two years. He didn't want to imagine what his life would be like when his addiction grew into something worse than it already was. He let out a sigh and looked down at his knees which he'd brought up to his chest.

[Cacie Cameron]

Her eyes went up to meet Cam's eyes from his shoulder when she heard his question. She nodded a little, but her head felt heavy so she wasn't sure how her nod really looked. "I always fear getting old. I mean, its hard enough in high school, the real world is kind of scary." She could be honest with Cameron. They were always honest with one another, so honest that it scared her. She wasn't used to being this honest with anyone in her entire life. Not even to herself. It was safe to say that Cameron Michalchuk knew her better than she even knew herself. He had somehow become the one constant in her life, the one thing that she could hang onto if she was sinking. Because no matter how bad they got with each other, how mad they got and how much they wanted to kill each other, the two of them were always there for each other. Hell, even when she crossed national borders to run away, he was there for her. He was the reason she came home, not that she'd ever tell him that.

"Why? Are you afraid of getting old?" She loved this time that she spent with Cameron, even though she knew she could never love him. Because she'd never allow herself to love him in more than a friend way. She was sure of that. Cacie Cameron didn't allow herself to let love in the way that most people did. Hell, she'd seen Suri Stone one time since her husband died and that right there was testament to the damaget that love did. But she knew that Cam was safe somewhere in her heart. Because Cameron Michalchuk would never leave her and she was sure of it. In fifteen years, if they had lost touch, she could call him and he'd come running to her rescue. It made her feel safe.

[Cam Michalchuk]

Cameron nodded solemnly, looking down at Cacie. "I am, its not really the getting old part; the death and all that shit. I'm afraid of who I'm going to be, what my life's gonna be like. You know?" Cameron and Cacie were always honest with each other, it was just what they did. They were brutally honest with each other and sometimes it scared him, because the first time he was ever openly honest with her she'd let him down. But he was past that now, now he was in a good place where being honest with Cacie could only end good. He let out a sigh and looked at the small bit of floor that was distancing him from Cacie.

Cameron had to choke back what would have been tears. He was happy that Cacie was sort of high because he didn't want her to see him cry. It wouldn't matter how old they were, or what decade it was.. he wouldn't let Cacie see him cry. Because, crazy as it may sound, sometimes he felt like her rock. Her stability, he couldn't let her see him break down. Because she might break down, and he couldn't take that. Not now, not ever. He didn't want to see Cacie Cameron break down; he'd rather die than see Cacie break down. It would hurt him too much. He loved her too much for that. So he choked his tears back and waited for her response.

[Cacie Cameron]

She listened to him and nodded, then scooted to sit right in front of him. Their knees were touching. There was one thing that changed when Cacie was intoxicated on any substance. She had to be touching someone. She couldn't stand to be alone usually, even if she did always feel isolated from everyone else. But when intoxicated, the feeling of another human touching her made it where she didn't feel so isolated, she didn't feel so alone. Cameron had seen her under the influence enough times to know that she needed physical contact.

She thought for a second on a response to what he said. "I'm afraid of who I'll be tomorrow. I don't even want to think of who I'll be in five or ten years. But it must be harder for you because of..." She couldn't say it. So instead her eyes darted over towards the drugs lying on the mirror. She wanted so badly to tell him that she could understand what he was going through, slipping back into a weird addiction thing, but hers wasn't an addiction. It was a need to feel some kind of pain that was tangible. And she didn't want him worrying. She could look at his eyes even while on the cocaine and tell that he was going through enough, worrying about enough. And she never wanted to add more to that list.

She reached out and ran her hands through his hair. She was fidgety, that was an understatement. But she was always fidgety, even when she wasn't on drugs. With the cocaine though, her minor fidgeting was worse, just like the touching thing. And unfortunately, the two combined made it where she touched him a lot more.